There are many reasons why a relationship doesn't last, and many tips and advice on what to do. The truth is, if you really want to get back with your ex, the first thing to ask yourself is, is it really worth it? Was there something so bad, like physical or emotional abuse where maybe it shouldn't be tried? If they cheated on you, or the other way around, there was a reason for breaking up in the first place.

If you feel that it is worth trying on your part, have they moved on? You can tell, especially if there has been a little while. One sure sign is that they are with someone else. If they are single, maybe they haven't found someone to take your place, and maybe they too feel it may be worth trying again.

The first place to start is within yourself, not placing blame, but taking responsibility for your own actions that lead to the break up. The truth is, for many younger couples, it is a lack of communication.

Even if there was cheating involved, in most cases it isn't about the sex, it's about what is missing in the relationship, which is a lack of communication. In older couples, many spend so much time raising kids, providing for the family, that by the time the children are grown, couples often find themselves living with a stranger.

If you feel that you were lacking somewhere, maybe you couldn't talk about serious things with your partner, or you may find that you have anger issues. The first thing is to try to do something to help.

There are classes, and support groups and all kinds of other resources to help you. Improving yourself is the first step to getting back together. You may also find classes to help in other ways, to get you out of the house, cooking, decorating, or even classes to help improve your work skills.

A good way to start the ball rolling with an ex is to invite them to come along, as 'support.' This works in two ways. Not only does it show your ex that you are willing and trying to make things right, but it is also a way to do something together, outside of what you may be used to.

If your ex is willing, the first thing you need to both do is really sit and talk about what caused the break up, and get these issues resolved. This way you both can start with a clean slate. If you can't come to some understanding, maybe it's time to really move on.

You both need to be patient, because if you both feel that it is worth saving, then you both need to listen to what the other has to say without getting angry or defensive.

Start small, go out on a date, or take a drive. You don't want to just jump back into the relationship, that may be where the problem started in the first place. Get to know one another again, you may find that this is the person you fell in love with in the first place.

Now a lot of relationships break up because of children, but not in the way you think. Many times, especially with younger couples, a relationship gets started, and before you know it, there's a baby, before either may have even discussed it.

Of course, this either instantly breaks up the relationship, or they try to give it a go, and get married. This is not the thing to do. You both need time to get to know each other, and even if you have been going out for awhile, that is totally different from being with each other on a permanent basis.

There is birth control, use it. Take the time to get to know one another together, not dating. In these modern times, it really isn't such a bad idea to live with the person for a year before getting married.

This gives you time to get used to their snoring, and enough time to see if you should be even together. That way, it is better to walk away early, as friends, than later when you hate each other.

This way you can share experiences together, while you are younger, before you have children. Just because you have kids, try to find even small things that tell the other person you love them.

Ronnie Blackstone
11/04/2009

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